


Our Final Hours

by Blahzor



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22078144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blahzor/pseuds/Blahzor
Summary: The start of a new year. The end of the Zero Requiem. With both looming on the horizon, Lelouch struggles to prove to Suzaku that there is something worth holding onto in the most desperate of times.Tomorrow may come, but 24 hours is a long time. Long enough, perhaps, to change one’s heart.
Relationships: Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Comments: 20
Kudos: 77





	Our Final Hours

**Author's Note:**

> This...took a lot longer than I expected. (･ × ･)
> 
> Was hoping to post this before the new year rolled around, but one thing led to another and now it's sitting at ~12k words?? Also my first attempt at writing something more intimate, and thus took more time to work out (though hopefully it paid off!)
> 
> I tried to stay as true to canon elements as possible, aside from the relationship / what happens between the main characters. I hope it comes off as *somewhat* faithful!
> 
> Please enjoy!

"Are you sure about this, my Lord?" Jeremiah said. Under the dim lighting of the security control room, he looked almost sickly. "He may not respond well."

"He won't have a choice," Lelouch said, leaning back in his seat. Each monitor before him fizzled with the blurry footage of low-end security cameras. Nothing in the hallways. No one wandering the bedrooms, their posh articles of furniture left untouched. Pendragon may have been destroyed, but the empire's relocation to central Japan had served well for the new Emperor's Territory. Capturing the capital had been child's play, and it had not taken long for the country to follow suit. Now the people bore the symbol of Britannia against their will, and Lelouch carried that power wherever he went with an iron fist.

But he tired of the play in power. Assassinations, day in and day out. People trying to cut off his head, figuratively and literally. Luckily, it would not last for much longer. "Are things going according to plan?"

"You mean, your lack of a plan?" Jeremiah said. "If so, then yes. Your day has been cleared for tomorrow. The finale is slated for the day after. All things are coming to an end."

"As they always do." He chuckled. "I leave the rest to you, Jeremiah. Everyone has been evacuated, correct?"

"Correct, my Lord. The servants have been removed, and the prisoners are held captive underground." Jeremiah pressed a button on the dashboard. One by one, the screens changed to individual holding cells. "As you can see, even the most dangerous of them are subdued. Kyoshiro Tohdoh. Li Xingke. Kallen Kōzuki."

"Indeed," Lelouch mused. "Then there remains one person of concern."

Jeremiah snorted. "You mean Lord Kururugi."

Lelouch opted to push more buttons as his answer. Each monitor winked out. Except for one, displaying a view of the royal throne. Dual columns stood on either side, reaching up to the ceiling. The Britannian crest hung on the wall, basking in its glory. And there, his back turned to the camera, was a figure clad in a black suit, his head hung as he stood before the crimson seat.

"He's still there." Jeremiah's tone betrayed his surprise. "Did you not speak with him hours ago?"

"I did," Lelouch confirmed. "We spoke of the Zero Requiem one last time. I passed Zero's mask to him."

"I see. The last step." Jeremiah stepped back. "Perhaps he is upset over the faking of his death."

Lelouch squinted at the monitor. It was hard to tell, but Suzaku seemed to be gripping the mask with all his might. As if he could break it between his fingers and end the symbol of their suffering right then and there. "I don't think that's the case," was his solemn answer.

"Maybe he needs a friend? I could try to cheer him—"

"Not what he needs, Orange," Lelouch said curtly. He knew better than anyone else what Suzaku thought of "friends". Him, too.

_Farewell, my first and last friend._

_I was wrong to depend on sympathy._

_Once we destroy Suzaku, nothing will stand in our way._

But regardless, this is where things had ended up. Neither of them for the better, and everything spiraling towards its conclusion. Such is the cruel hand of fate, he supposed.

"You still have a soft spot for him. Don't you?" Lelouch asked.

"Yes, my Lord," Jeremiah answered honestly. "Once you are gone, much will hang on his head. I know it. And I worry for him."

"He's a tough boy. He'll handle it." A fondness had reached its way into Lelouch's voice, as it usually did when he spoke of Suzaku nowadays. "Besides, that's what tomorrow is for."

"Tomorrow." Jeremiah shook his head, amused. "As I said, I don't think he'll agree. Though your understanding of Lord Kururugi extends far beyond mine."

"Oh, he will," Lelouch said, his tone belonging to one with a secret under their belt. "I have faith he will."

"Hm. As you say." Jeremiah raised one eyebrow. "And do you plan on telling him how you feel?"

He gripped the arm of his seat. "I'm not sure," he muttered. Only Jeremiah knew of how his bond with Suzaku left him hollow for other reasons, ones that extended beyond a strained friendship. But Suzaku had more than enough burdens to carry. To force another upon him would be cruel. "I will figure that out when it comes."

"You should tell him." The unsolicited advice surprised him. "I would, were it my last day."

"Like I said, we shall see." He could see Jeremiah watching him under the flashing bulb. "Will you stop looking at me like that? It's not that complicated."

"Love is always complicated."

"Okay, that's enough out of you." He dismissed him with a wave. "Leave me to my sulking. Your Emperor demands it."

Jeremiah gave him a bow. "Then with your permission, I shall retire for the night. Relieving the staff proved more difficult than anticipated. I am, in truth, quite exhausted."

"You have my permission, Jeremiah. You've done well."

"In your honor, Your Majesty." Jeremiah straightened up and gave him a salute. As he made to head out, he paused. His foot was caught in the door, a sliver of light sneaking its way in. "Master Lelouch?"

That was enough to catch Lelouch's attention. Rare was it for Jeremiah to call him by anything other than the usual titles; _Your Majesty,_ or _My Lord_ , as he spouted every other second. "Yes?"

He did not respond immediately. Gone was his playful attitude, his mischievous smirk. Even his bionic eye, held in its orange prison, seemed to roam the room in thought. "I wish to thank you. For giving me the opportunity to serve you. There has been no greater joy in my life than to bring honor to the royal family."

The words tightened around Lelouch's chest. It was as much of a goodbye as any. He thought they would have ended by now; C.C.'s had been more than difficult enough, despite weeks of anticipation. "Of course, Jeremiah," he responded, trying to force back the wave of emotion. _Do not give him the sympathy. Remember who you are. What you must do._ "You served me well. You've brought great pride to the title of Orange. I hope you remember that."

It was as cold and as formal as he could make it. And yet, there was a wavering in Jeremiah's voice when the soldier spoke again, as if he were on the edge of tears. "Thank you, Your Majesty," he said joyously. "The pleasure has been all mine."

His last words echoed behind him as he closed the door, leaving Lelouch to stare at the flickering monitor until the late hours of the night. "I shall see you on the final day. All hail Lelouch!"

* * *

Lelouch woke up with a groan. He sat up in bed, stretching, turning to the calendar on his night stand. _December 31st._ The last day of the month, and the start of the twenty four hours that remained of his life. It had seemed fitting to finish the Requiem on the first day of a new year; it offered a grand start towards recreating the world, and a guarantee that he would not be forgotten anytime soon. With every future beginning, they would remember his end.

He looked across the room, out his window. Swarms of clouds filled the gray skies, dreary and bleak. The weather he deserved, he supposed—perhaps the sunlight was hiding from him, too.

It did not take long for him to freshen up and get ready. Except for his indecision over what to wear, stuck between his grand robes of white (who knows who might be trying to catch a glimpse of the Emperor?) and his old outfit from the academy. He had never had the heart to toss it, despite C.C.'s many complaints, for it served as a reminder of simpler times. A time when winning at chess and taking care of Nunnally were his greatest concerns.

 _A reminder of simpler times._ He sunk his fist into the outfit. He needed as many of those as he could possibly get.

Finding Suzaku did not take long either. When he wasn't overseeing Lelouch's safety or handling their forces, there were really only two places he spent his free time: holed up in the garden or practicing in the training room. Sure enough, Lelouch had arrived at the latter just in time to see Suzaku spin his foot into a training dummy, the head sent flying across the room.

He let out a whistle as he leaned against the doorway. "Impressive."

Suzaku whirled around. His heart stopped. The amount of pain in Suzaku's expression—

But it was already gone, having melted into a blank slate. "Your Majesty," he said as he bowed. Sweat was dripping down his forehead, his Knight of Zero pilot's suit stretched over his skin. "What can I do for you?"

Lelouch held back a grimace. He usually did not mind being addressed as royalty. For some, he had enjoyed it. For others, he had tolerated it.

For Suzaku, he had grown to despise it.

"I have need for your presence, o great Knight of Zero," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

To his dismay, Suzaku did not take the bait. "You wish to see me?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"

"I said, I want your presence." He beckoned him forward. "Come."

"What do you need?"

"Your Emperor demands that you come." He pointed to a spot on the floor. "Right here."

Suzaku frowned, but obliged. "What is the point of this?" he asked as he approached.

"Why so many questions?" Suzaku came to a stop before him. "Good. Now that you're here, I want you to come get breakfast with me."

His expression matched those of the dummies behind him. "What is the occasion?"

"Occasion?" Lelouch said, taken aback. Why was _he_ the one surprised here? "There isn't one. I'm hungry, and I want breakfast."

"You usually eat without me," Suzaku observed. "What's changed today?"

"Maybe I wanted to get breakfast with my childhood friend before I get stabbed in the chest tomorrow."

It was slight, but the corners of Suzaku's mouth seemed to tighten. "I see. Very well. Then I will accompany you."

"Perfect." Not even _that_ had provoked him. Lelouch internally sighed. "Then I will see you in the dining hall in thirty minutes. Don't be late."

Which was how Lelouch had found himself sitting across from Suzaku exactly half an hour later, and not a minute late. The dining table before them was massive, the number of chairs many, a hall suited for armies to feast. But the two of them only took up a fraction of the space with Lelouch's spread, comprised of bowls of miso soup, rice, and fresh fruit, as well as a plate of sliced tamagoyaki and a pitcher of barley tea.

Lelouch waved a hand before him. "Eat up, Suzaku."

But Suzaku only stared at the food. "Where did this come from?" he said. "I thought the servants had been relieved."

Lelouch reached for his chopsticks. "I made it."

"All of this? In thirty minutes?"

"You seem to have forgotten that I was once a fantastic chef." He piled rice on his plate before meeting Suzaku's eyes. "You're not eating. What's wrong? I thought you liked my cooking."

_Please, Suzaku. Please enjoy yourself._

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." An obvious lie, Lelouch could tell. He had known Suzaku long enough to read him like a book. "And I do. Like your cooking, I mean. Thank you."

"For you? Anything."

Out of the corner of his eye, Lelouch watched Suzaku fill up his plate. And released the breath he had been holding. He was _actually_ eating this time. Putting food in his mouth. Not starving himself and lying about it for the umpteenth time. He had tried to cover it up in the past, but it was impossible to hide how skinny Suzaku had become. His suit, once considered a tight fit, was starting to sag down his shoulders. His muscles were carved against his skin, his cheeks almost sunken.

Even on his last day, Lelouch could not help but worry about him.

"More barley tea?" He held out the pitcher.

"Sure." Suzaku accepted with a nod. "Thank you, Your Majesty."

Every repeat of that phrase reminded him of nails on a chalkboard. "Of course," Lelouch said as he poured. He forced a smile. "I hope the rest of your schedule is free for today."

Suzaku paused, the cup halfway to his lips. "It is," he said, suddenly suspicious. "Why do you ask?"

"Well…" Lelouch tapped his fingers on the table. "I was hoping to spend some time with you. It _is_ our last chance."

"Last chance." Suzaku mumbled the words, his eyes half-closed. He swirled the golden liquid in his cup. "That's right. This is what it's come to."

"The Requiem is tomorrow. The start of world peace." Lelouch spoke in the pattern of someone who had put in many tries to memorize his speech. "With it, Britannia will fall. My legacy will be grounded in blood. The world will stomp on my name until it sinks to the depths of Hell. I will take all that is evil along with me, and our atonement will be complete." He paused before continuing. "If I am to die, I believe that I am owed these few hours of respite. Don't you?"

Suzaku's expression darkened. "Is this a command from His Majesty?"

"It shouldn't be. Not if you valued our friendship at one point. You would _want_ to spend time with me then. Right?"

"I…"

Under the table, Lelouch felt his nails digging into his palms. He easily could have demanded for the same thing, and knowing Suzaku, he would have followed suit. But that wasn't what this was supposed to be, some request fulfilled by obligation. It had to be genuine. Time spent together because Suzaku _wanted_ to, not because he _had_ to. Otherwise the point of it would be lost, and both of their final hours wasted.

He hated this. Hated using guilt to manipulate Suzaku. But if that was what it took, he would push as needed. Harder, if necessary. "Surely you owe it to your old friend, Suzaku?" he wondered. "Come now. Let us indulge in our past for one day. Like old times. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"Old times," Suzaku said in disbelief. "Those were a _long_ time ago. I doubt we could—"

"It doesn't have to be," Lelouch said. "Not if you don't want it to."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Because it is. It's _us,_ Suzaku. You'd rather hold back? Even in our final hours?"

Another pause. Lelouch clenched his jaw. So it had come to this. But he had to convince Suzaku to enjoy himself, to regain the parts of his soul he had sacrificed. Before he gave them up again to become Zero. Even if it was the last thing he did on this blasted Earth.

Hopefully the gods would grant him mercy in the afterlife for adding one more sin to his stockpile. With one hand, he reached into his pocket. _Sorry, Suzaku._ "In fact, don't you remember—"

"Alright, Lelouch," Suzaku suddenly interrupted. "I'll do it."

"What?" He froze, his hand still hidden. The fact that Suzaku had agreed went over his head; he was too dumbstruck by the sound of his name. After months of formalities, of distant coldness, he had _finally said his name_. "You will?"

"Yes." Suzaku had resumed eating. "It's our last day, right? I'll indulge in whatever you wish. Your Majesty."

Not again. _Well, that was short-lived_ , Lelouch thought, his disappointment swift. But at least Suzaku had spared him from playing his ace. That, alone, was cause for relief. "Excellent. In that case, let us begin our day at the garden. We can appreciate the flowers."

Suzaku looked up from his soup. "I thought you hated flowers."

"Only certain ones. The ones that give off too strong a scent."

"That's most of them."

Lelouch rolled his eyes. "Then I guess my oh-so-loyal knight will have to dispose of them for me. Right, Suzaku?"

It might have been wishful thinking—Suzaku had lowered his head right after, intent on finishing the remains of his bowl. But for a moment, there seemed to have been a glimmer of something in his eyes.

Laughter.

"Right," he had said.

* * *

Suzaku had been correct—the flowers that day were particularly fragrant, and smelled like cheap perfume. Lelouch wrinkled his nose as they walked past a row of pink pansies. "This may not have been my best idea," he said.

"I warned you earlier," Suzaku said, observing the clouds. "You didn't listen."

"There's nothing wrong with going for a walk," Lelouch said. "I doubt there's fresh air where I'm going."

Suzaku did not respond, his face set in its usual scowl. With a shrug, Lelouch continued his way down the marbled path, his fingers brushing against the foliage. From nearby he could hear a waterfall pouring into a koi pond. The chirping of birds. The rustling of leaves. His eyes fell closed. Being a ruthless dictator had its benefits, but peace and quiet was not one of them. These were the things he had missed the most. The things he _will_ miss.

Except it was more quiet than he would have liked. Suzaku had turned mute since leaving the dining hall, his mouth only moving when spoken to.

He would have to do something about that.

"Suzaku?"

"Right here, Your Majesty."

"Oh, good," Lelouch said as he exhaled theatrically. "I thought you disappeared. You've been so _quiet. So_ much so, in fact, that I thought I _lost_ you back there."

"You haven't. I've been here the whole time."

God, couldn't he have made things easier for him? "Is there something on your mind?"

His response was a conditioned one. "No. Nothing of importance."

"Whatever's on your mind is of importance to me."

A stretch of silence. Then: "It's really not important."

"Oh?" Lelouch came to a stop. He glanced over his shoulder. "Now I'm curious."

"There's no need to be."

"But I am." He fully turned back around. "Share with me your deepest, darkest secrets."

"Your Majesty—"

"I'm kidding. I already know them all." Maybe he should have felt bad for toying with him, but any reaction from Suzaku would be welcome at this point. And besides, it was so _easy_. "So why don't you tell me what you're really thinking instead?"

Suzaku's eyes narrowed. His gaze shifted to the hydrangea bushes. "Fine," he grumbled, caving in. "I was...just thinking about your hair."

"Hm?" Lelouch had expected many answers; a comment on his features was not one of them. "What about my hair?"

"It looks nice." His voice had gone quiet. "Today. It looks nice today."

It would have been less strange if Suzaku was lying. "Oh," Lelouch said. "That's surprising. I just washed and combed it. Nothing new."

"Well," he said, his lips twitching, "it looks better than usual."

"Thank you. I do try my best." That ghost of a grin—it was enough to bring his hopes up. Suzaku was somewhere in there, hiding in that lifeless shell. Now if he could just draw him out...

He looked up slightly. "Though I don't know if I could say the same for you, if I'm being honest."

"Hm?" At that, Suzaku perked up. "What's wrong with my hair?"

"Oh, nothing." Lelouch walked up, ignoring how Suzaku scrutinized his every move with hawk-like precision. "It just looks... _eh."_

"What is _'eh'_?"

"Messy, for one. You could use a combing through." He ruffled his fingers through the strands. Felt Suzaku harden under his touch. Then stepped back, making a face. "Ugh. Look at this, Suzaku," he said as he raised his palm, the fingers smudged with dirt. "When's the last time you took a shower?"

"Yesterday morning," he said. "It's been a long couple of days."

"'Couple of days'? It's been twenty-four hours." Lelouch shook his head. "Then again, you never were afraid of getting yourself dirty, were you?"

"No." Cold as ever. "And neither were you."

Lelouch knew what that meant. _Spilling blood. Acts of war. Betraying Euphemia._ Each sin still unforgiven. Loyalty came in different shades with Suzaku, it seemed. "I've dirtied my hands more than enough," was his response. "There's a reason we ended up here."

Suzaku looked around them. "In the garden?"

"No, you idiot," Lelouch said. He wrapped his fingers around one of the hydrangeas. The petals were soft, a light shade of blue. "Here before the Zero Requiem."

"I know. It was a joke."

"Oh?" _Could it be?_ "Since when do you make jokes?"

"Since you told me to spend time with you. As old friends." Suzaku looked back at the koi pond, the waterfall filling up its depths. "That's what we used to do, right? Joke around."

Lelouch nearly crushed the flower between his fingers. _Used to do._ Like it was out of their reach. Like it was impossible to genuinely do so now. "Yes. We did."

"Anything to serve His Majesty," Suzaku answered stiffly. He gestured ahead with his chin. "There are more flowers near the gazebo. Do you wish to—"

"Suzaku." He could not let this play on for any longer. "I want you to do something for me."

"What is it?"

He tore the hydrangea off of its bush. Then spun it in his hand, the petals turning in tandem. Then presented it to Suzaku. "I want you to stop calling me that," he said, his tone slipping back into that of a commander's. "No more titles. Not between us."

The scowl, too, was back. "Then what should I refer to you as?"

"Lelouch. Your friend, if you see me as such. That guy who made you soup. I don't care." He shook his head. "I'm tired of the formalities."

"I am your knight. You are my emperor. This is how it should be."

"What are you afraid of?" he demanded. "Who are you trying to convince? Yourself? Because there's no one else here, and _I don’t care_."

Suzaku seemed to be hesitating. _Just as I thought._ "What is this really about, Lelouch?" he asked.

"Me wanting to spend time with my friend." For once, there was no need for him to lie. "But that said friend keeps being _difficult."_

"But—"

"But nothing. For my last demand as Emperor, you will address me as your equal. Nothing less, nothing more. Do I make myself clear?"

Suzaku stared back in response, the green in his eyes never losing their edge. Slowly, he reached his hand out. And took the hydrangea from Lelouch's palm, gazing down at the blue. As if they were back in the royal hall again, and he had just been presented with the greatest burden of all: wearing the hero's mask.

After today, that fate would be permanent.

 _Come on, Suzaku,_ Lelouch thought desperately. _It's our last chance. I know you're in there._

"Alright, Lelouch," he said for the second time that day. "As you command. No more decorum. No more titles."

"Thank you." Lelouch let his arm drop. His shoulders sagged, the weight they carried having lessened slightly. "I've been waiting for that all day."

Suzaku gently closed his fingers over the flower. He nodded. "So. Now that that's settled, what's next?"

"Well, I'm tired of the flowers. And we can't leave the capital. There's an indoor pool—why don't we go swimming like we used to in the river?"

"I remember," Suzaku said. "When we were kids."

"Exactly. It'll be a nice thing to do before we march tomorrow." Lelouch turned on his heel, back towards the assortments of colorful blossoms. "Are you okay with that?"

"It's _your_ final day."

"Yes, but we are equals now." He stopped as soon as he realized he was walking alone. "It's _our_ final day. Together. Right, Suzaku?"

"...Right." A few seconds later, Suzaku had come up behind him. "Lead the way."

Another thought came to Lelouch as they walked, the birds chirping in their wake. "And for god's sake, would it kill you to _smile?"_

His knight's response was comprised of an unsettling grin, his lips pressed tightly together as he swelled his cheeks.

"Wow. Okay, never mind. Forget that I asked."

As they continued on, Lelouch caught onto a sound. It was slight, right at the edge of his hearing, lighter than the wind. But it was familiar. The sound of Suzaku snickering softly to himself. Completely obnoxious, and one that gave him the sudden urge to slap him in the face.

But it helped to calm the storm in his heart, for it was Suzaku. _Really_ Suzaku.

For now, that was more than enough.

* * *

The rest of their day, to Lelouch's relief, had been noticeably less awkward. Their time in the pool had been pleasant enough—Suzaku would not stop _splashing_ him, the bastard—and their journey had eventually led to the indoor greenhouse, a place normally set aside for Jeremiah and his obsession with the orange trees. Their branches hung with ripened fruit, and Suzaku had to slap Lelouch's hand multiple times to stop him from whisking one—or five—away.

"Why? I thought everyone had left," Lelouch had said in surprise.

"That doesn't mean it's yours to take!"

Suzaku. The Prideful Lion. The White Death. The Knight of Zero. There were many titles to his name, but Lelouch still saw him as Suzaku Kururugi. The boy who swung a sword in one hand as he held his dream in the other.

 _What should I do?_ Lelouch had thought hours later as they walked down the hallway, admiring the paintings of past prime ministers. _This secret; is it worth sharing? Should I take it with me to my grave?_

He had cursed under his breath. Damn Jeremiah for putting ideas in his head. Why would Suzaku be interested in him? He hated Lelouch and everything he stood for. The Zero Requiem was a liability, not a choice. He was only by his side because he had to be. To consider anything else would be a delusional farce.

"Are you coming, Lelouch?" Suzaku had called out from the other end of the hall. "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing," he had said. "It's nothing."

His name sounded good on Suzaku's lips. A personal token. Small. Insignificant. But still leaps and bounds ahead of the Suzaku from that morning. And how he smirked at Lelouch's quips as the day went on, or shoved at him to walk faster.

It was like old times again, and it made all the difference in the world.

To Lelouch's annoyance (though not to his surprise), there had been little left to do after exploring the balconies. There was the tea room, but Suzaku had been too restless to sit still, and he lacked the subtle tastes to tell the leaves apart. Which was how he had found himself in the armory, listening to Suzaku drone on and on about the proper way to wield a sword. It was a far too detailed explanation, one that almost put Lelouch to sleep. But Suzaku seemed to like it, and it was worth it to see the haunted look leaving his friend's eyes.

"So you'll want to make sure that the forearm is...huh? Lelouch?"

"Wha—huh? What?" Lelouch rapidly shook his head, warding himself of images unfit to speak aloud. "Oh. Right. Draw strength from the shoulder, then lunge."

"No." He let out a huff. "That's for stabbing."

"Is that not what we're talking about?"

"No. I'm trying to teach you how to _slash_."

Lelouch waved a hand. "Stabbing, slashing. What's the difference? They'll end up dead either way." _I'll end up dead, either way._

"Not true. Certain armor have little to no weak spots. A stab to the chest won't always go through. It's more efficient to slash at the neck."

It was a morbid conversation, and one that was hitting Lelouch too close to home. He looked around the room, observing the weaponry on the walls—who uses a _mace_ nowadays?—before settling on the clock. His jaw dropped. "What?" he exclaimed. "How is it already half past six?"

Suzaku followed his line of sight. "Oh. I guess the day is almost over."

Lelouch felt the words on the tip of his tongue. _I don't want it to be over. I don't want to lose you again._ Instead, he simply said, "I suppose so."

"Should we eat dinner?"

"I'll make it," Lelouch answered immediately. "You go and take a shower."

"Again?" he said. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." Lelouch looked him over. His suit was dirty, his hair unkempt. The bags under his eyes reminded him of a panda. And yet, even in this state, he still managed to make his pulse race. "You should freshen up. You look terrible."

"I do _not_ ," Suzaku muttered as he returned the sword to its scabbard. "Don't be a jerk."

"Sorry." He did not mean it, and Suzaku knew it.

"Whatever." Suzaku walked past him, his shoulder brushing against his. "In thirty minutes, as usual?"

"Indeed," Lelouch said cheerfully. "And don't be—"

"Don't be late. Yeah, yeah, I got it."

Lelouch gazed after him as Suzaku marched out of the room. He sighed. _What am I going to do with you, Suzaku Kururugi?_

* * *

"Suzaku. I have one more favor to ask of you."

"Oh?" Suzaku picked up a dumpling with his chopsticks, making sure not to drip over his freshly-changed pilot's suit. The same suit, no less. How many of those did he _have?_ "What's that?"

"After dinner, I want you to come to my quarters."

He dropped his dumpling. "I beg your pardon?"

"What's wrong?" Lelouch wondered, the corners of his lips turning up. "It's not like I'm trying to kill anyone. That would be your job."

He saw Suzaku scowl into his plate. "I hate it when you joke like that."

"Sorry."

"No, you're not."

"If I actually mean it, will you listen to my request?"

A slight blush filled Suzaku's cheeks. He muttered, almost indistinctly, "What is it that you want?"

"There's something I want to show you. Something I think you'll like." Watching Suzaku squirm almost made him feel bad. Almost. "It'll be a perfect way to end our night together."

"I—uh, well, I don't—"

"I've been waiting for this," Lelouch said, turning his attention back to his food. "It'll be a perfect way to begin the new year."

"New year? You mean the Requiem?"

"Well, that too. But it's the first day of January tomorrow," he observed. "Remember?"

"Oh. Right," Suzaku said. He looked up at the chandelier, hanging from the high ceiling. "I forgot that today was the last day of the year."

"A new beginning," Lelouch said. "A new start for humanity."

Suzaku spat out his next words bitterly. "And the end to yours."

"Correct." Lelouch wiped his mouth with his napkin. Then stood up. "Well, we don't have much time left. Come see me when you're ready."

He walked off before Suzaku could respond. As he paced out of the dining hall and up the marble staircases, his hand slipped into his pocket. His expression tightened. He may have avoided using it before, but there was still no escaping it.

 _It'll make things easier_ , he thought. _He might hate me for it. But it'll make things easier._

The capital was the size of Pendragon, and the wing they lived in far too great a size for just two people. But Lelouch had managed to find his way through without a second thought, his path delegated to muscle memory. Past the vases, the paintings. The carpets the color of red wine. The scrolls of calligraphy hanging from the walls. And soon, arriving at his quarters before pushing the doors open.

Not bothering to turn on the lights, he immediately made for the drawers by his bed, searching through their contents. Files and prisoner reports. A velvet pouch with chess pieces. Nunnally's origami cranes. Then, finally, an item sitting at the bottom. Bound in black, a volume made of leather. With effort, he made to pull it out, the tome heavier than the worries in his head.

It was worn, almost falling apart after years of use. His fingers dusted off the front. Carefully, he made to lift the cover.

"What are you doing?"

His head snapped up. Suzaku was there, standing in the doorway, his silhouette framed against the last bits of daylight. Watching him like an angry Arthur prepared to pounce. "What's that?"

"It's nothing of importance." His expression scrunched up. "You're already done? How did you find me so quickly?"

Suzaku paused. Then took a step in. "I don't believe you," he said.

 _He followed me here._ The realization was not a welcome one. "It's not—"

"Tell me what it is." His hands were clenched, Lelouch realized. "Lelouch. Don't hide something from me. Not tonight."

His eyebrows furrowed together. Was that a warning? He could have challenged Suzaku if he wanted to. Fought against his will, commanded him to stop. But there was no point to that now, not when he had already seen the last step.

A shame that things had not gone according to plan. But then again, when do things ever go according to plan?

"Okay, Suzaku. You win." He gathered the volume into his arms. "Come join me, and I'll show you."

Suzaku approached him. "Show me what?"

"The point of calling you over is so I can _show_ you, not _tell_ you," Lelouch said, exasperated. "Come. Sit on the bed with me."

Though he hesitated, he closed the distance. "I'm here," he said as he sat down, the bed frame trembling. "What are you hiding?"

Lelouch grinned. "I was hoping to save this for later tonight," he said. "But since you've found me out, I guess I have no choice."

He lifted the bound cover. Beside him, Suzaku looked over. He gasped. "These are—"

"Old photos," Lelouch finished. He raised the first sheet of plastic, covered on both sides by washed out pictures. "I asked Jeremiah to gather any he could find. Some are from Ashford. Many were lost in Pendragon. But these, well…"

He coughed lightly. "These are mostly from my own collection."

"Your own collection," Suzaku repeated numbly, his fingers running down the page. "I didn't even know you had one."

"Most people don't."

"Oh, look, Lelouch. _Nunnally_." Suzaku caught his breath as he pointed to a picture in the corner. "She looks so young here."

The look on Lelouch's face carried more than a hint of grief. "That was taken only two years ago. At Ashford."

"Really? I never would have guessed."

"It's amazing how quickly hardship can age you," he said. He gingerly rubbed a hand over his cheek.

Suzaku spared him a glance. Was that worry in his expression? Or was Lelouch just seeing things as the room darkened? "I see," he said.

"Look, Suzaku," Lelouch continued on, flipping through the pages. He could see flashes of times long gone. Rivalz, eagerly holding pies for a contest. Shirley, her face red with embarrassment. A self-portrait with Rolo, the two of them smiling. As he neared the end, he came to a stop. "Recognize this?"

Suzaku leaned forward. His eyes nearly doubled in size. "Lelouch…" he started. "Where did you find this?"

Now his smile was genuine. "Jeremiah said it was hidden deep in Ashford's archives. From your student record, perhaps?"

Part of Lelouch was pained to see Suzaku's expression crumple so terribly. But the emotion was there. _Suzaku_ was there, with him. The walls broken down at last. "It's me," he heard him whisper. "Before everything."

"Before Shinjuku. Before the Black Knights. Before the Zero Requiem." Lelouch moved closer, his thumb brushing over the youthful smile from another lifetime. "This one is particularly special to me."

"Christ, Lelouch," Suzaku choked out. "I...I don't—"

"You don't have to say anything." Like usual, he already knew what Suzaku had wanted to say. _My other half, indeed._ "It's okay, Suzaku."

Taking Lelouch's word, Suzaku had fallen silent. Upon looking back up, his eyes were shining wet. The message was written in their emerald.

_I'm sorry._

Lelouch held his gaze. Then, without speaking, closed the photo book, settling it on his nightstand. He bowed his head as he reached out, the tips of his fingers brushing against Suzaku's, as delicate as a butterfly's wings.

_I'm sorry, too._

"Lelouch." When Suzaku spoke again, his voice was heavy. "Is this what you were talking about over dinner?"

He nodded. "The last thing. Before tomorrow comes. Before it ends."

Suzaku winced. "The final day," he murmured. "I didn't think it would come so quickly."

"Time always does," Lelouch said. He chuckled softly to himself. "And I'm afraid that mine has run out."

"No." Suzaku adamantly shook his head. "Not yet."

"What do you mean?"

"We still have tonight, don't we?" He made to stand up, the blankets slipping over the side of the bed. "We should make it memorable. Somehow."

The fire in his stare. The way his shoulders were set. _He cares,_ Lelouch thought in disbelief. _He really cares._ Then another thought, one noticeably less harmless. _Memorable, huh?_ If that wasn't a prompt to lay his cards on the table, then he didn't know what was.

"Hey, Suzaku," he said. "Can you help undress me?"

The look on Suzaku's face was priceless. " _Undress_ you?"

"These clothes tire me. I wish to get comfortable."

"Can't you take them off yourself?"

"Well, I can." He smirked. "But why would I when I have you?"

Suzaku blinked, his sentiments giving way to disapproval. "I'm not your servant."

"No," Lelouch reaffirmed. "But you are my knight. And I would appreciate the help. Besides, are you telling me you can't remove a simple robe?"

There it was. The flint he needed to spark the flame. Suzaku would never deny a challenge, not when Lelouch presented it himself, thanks to the innate rivalry between them—one that had existed long before Knightmares and warfare.

He frowned, but moved in closer. "Fine," Suzaku said. "Turn around for me."

"Hm," Lelouch mused, his smile growing as he shifted on the bed. He soon felt fingers working around his collar. Loosening his cuffs. Tossing his garland to the floor. Peeling off his belt. He leaned his head back, observing Suzaku intently break off piece by piece. "You're a fast worker."

"Anything for His Majesty."

He was definitely joking this time. But that did not make Lelouch hate it any less. "Shut up."

"There," Suzaku said as he undid the last button. "All finished."

"Wonderful." Lelouch rose to his feet, well aware that Suzaku was gawking at him. He looked back at him. "Can I help you with something, Suzaku?"

"Are you going to undress in front of me?"

"Well, do you want me to?"

Silence. He turned back ahead, sparing Suzaku the embarrassment, a cackle rising from his throat. "Don't worry, I'm wearing something underneath."

Suzaku muttered something under his breath that sounded an awful lot like _bastard._

With exaggerated slowness, Lelouch began peeling back his robes. Taking his time, allowing Suzaku to watch as they slipped off his shoulders. Only to see something fall out of his pocket and clatter across the floor, rebounding off the wall.

"Huh?" Suzaku leaned over, squinting in the dark. "Lelouch, what's that?"

He froze. _God damn it._ Of all the times for his luck to betray him. "It's nothing," he barked. "I'll get it."

He bent down, but it was already too late. Suzaku had reached out, curious to see. And upon realizing what it was, recoiled, not even bothering to pick it up. "Lelouch," he began. "Why do you have a gun?"

His silence was his answer. "That's..."

" _Why_ ," Suzaku strangled out, "did you have a _gun_? In your pocket? With you?"

 _God. Damn it._ "It's—well, you see—"

"Do you always carry one with you? For self-defense?" Suzaku said, his voice beginning to break. He collapsed back onto the bed, as if he had forgotten how to stand. "That's what it is, right?"

"Suzaku—"

"Or were you planning on using this? Today? On me _?"_

" _Suzaku—"_

"Were you going to kill me?" His expression made Lelouch's stomach drop, slicing through his heart like a knife. "Is that why you called the servants out?"

 _"_ No." He rushed to Suzaku's side, almost tripping over the garments on the floor. "No, Suzaku. That's not—"

"No, of course not." As if on cue, his horror gave way to something else. A sudden calmness, his expression unreadable. Somehow, it was worse. "Not on me."

Lelouch caught his breath. Suzaku, the other half of him. Suzaku, the one who knew the shape of his heart better than he did. _I should have known,_ he thought. _I should have prepared for this._

"So." His voice was empty. "You know what it's for."

"I do." He sounded more lifeless now than ever before. "I wish I didn't."

Lelouch felt his legs give way. _I'm losing him._ Like when he had pleaded to Suzaku at the Kururugi shrine, he kneeled down before him. "I'm sorry."

It was some time again before Suzaku spoke out loud, sparing him. "Why?" he asked the darkened room. "Why would you do this? Before the Requiem? During your last day? What is the point?"

Lelouch grimaced, more grateful than ever that he had not bothered to turn on the light. _I was supposed to relieve his burden_ , he thought furiously. _And all I did was worsen it. Not even death can serve atonement._

"Because," he began, too ashamed to face even his own demons, "I thought it would have made things easier."

The vitriol in Suzaku's tone made him flinch. " _Made things easier?"_

"Yes." There was no use appealing to his humanity, not when he had lost his own long ago. Only the logic could spare him now. Spare Suzaku from misery. "You wouldn't have to kill me then. My body is all you need. The people would hear Zero committed the act, and everything would be the same." No response. He wondered whether Suzaku was bothering to listen. He could not blame him. "I wanted to spare you. From having to go through with it. I know how—"

"Lelouch. Stop. I don't want to hear it."

His mouth fell closed. Loathing coursed through him, followed by a stream of regret, drowning him from the inside. Isolated, with nowhere else to go, he weakly laid his head in Suzaku's lap.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice muffled. "I'm sorry, Suzaku."

But he may as well have been alone, for Suzaku had become mute again. Cold again. His final efforts to save him, ruined by his own hand. He could feel himself starting to tremble, the agony washing over him in waves. All he could hear was the ticking of a clock, counting down the last forsaken hours of their existence, sealed in the dark.

_What have I done?_

He jerked back. There was movement. More than movement—he had felt something. Long fingers, touching him. Trailing through his hair.

"Suzaku?"

They were firm, and warm against his scalp. One stroke, slowly. Then another, running through the strands. Calming his nerves, easing the trembling. As he gave way to his touch, wondering what God on Earth must be looking out for him, he heard Suzaku speaking softly in his ear.

"Your hair is dirty."

 _What?_ At that, Lelouch pushed himself up. And saw Suzaku watching him intently. "What did you say?"

"I said, your hair is dirty." He raised his fingers, the tips of his gloves covered in black. "When's the last time you took a shower?"

Lelouch choked. "I—this morning!"

"Well, it's still dirty," he said, looking like he was trying his best not to laugh. "And you kept saying _I_ looked terrible. You should see yourself right now."

Not even when Milly had brought him a hundred female suitors had he felt so appalled. "You—I—"

"Tch." Suzaku shook his head. "What's wrong, _Your Majesty?_ What happened to your confidence?"

"My confidence." The words tumbled out of his mouth. "Is this another joke?"

"I don't know." He moved to the side. He gestured for Lelouch to join him, patting the fleece blankets. "Is it?"

The glimmer in his eyes. The sincerity in his expression. It was the Suzaku he had been waiting for all day, the one who died after discovering Zero's identity. Not the Knight of Zero, nor the White Death, but the Suzaku who made snarky jokes. The one who carried Nunnally up mountains. The one who took a bullet in his back for him.

Suzaku Kururugi.

 _His_ Suzaku.

Grumbling, acting like he was not silently reciting every prayer of thanks in existence, Lelouch made his way up beside him, sitting by the edge of the bed. _Of all the things it took._ "That...did not go according to plan."

"You had a plan?"

"I did. Finish dinner. Come upstairs. Find the photobook. And wait for you to present my spectacular collection."

"So basically what happened. But more drawn out."

"Yes," Lelouch said. He pointed an accusatory finger. "You have a habit of ruining my plans."

"I do, don't I?" Suzaku said fondly. "What are friends for?"

 _Friends._ It was relieving, but not satisfying. Deep down, the answer to Jeremiah's question was becoming more clear. "Suzaku—"

"Wait, Lelouch," Suzaku interrupted firmly. "You said your final plan was to show me the photobook. Then what about _that?"_ He gestured to the pistol a few feet away. "When were you planning to…?"

"Ah." Lelouch turned away. He stared out the window. "I was hoping to do it later."

"Later?"

"After you fell asleep," he said, wondering how Suzaku must consider him now. A coward. A monster. _No different than what I already am._ "Before you awoke tomorrow."

"Oh." He sounded surprised. "But what about the gunshot?"

"The gunshot?"

"You were planning to use the gun, right?" Suzaku said. "The sound of it would have woken me up. How was it to be a secret?"

The way Suzaku spoke of it. Lelouch didn't know whether he felt relieved or put off. "Well," he began, searching for an answer that did not exist, "it would have been far away. For you to not hear it."

"But if it was that far, how would I have found you?" Suzaku wondered. "Did you think about how I would react? How we would justify Zero's action to the common people? Or handle the execution parade?"

Every question he asked made Lelouch feel a little smaller. "Okay, okay," he muttered. "So it wasn't my best plan."

"It wasn't a plan at all."

"Fine." He turned back around. Expecting cruel judgement. "You're right. I was desperate, okay?"

But Suzaku held no judgement. In fact, his expression was soft, the lack of anger catching Lelouch off guard. "That's not all though," he said. "Is it, Lelouch?"

It was uncommon for Lelouch to wish that Suzaku understood him less.Yet, here they were. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You do," Suzaku said. "Otherwise you wouldn't have carried it with you all day. You planned on using it earlier."

Lelouch felt his mouth turn dry. "I didn't—"

"You did." He placed one hand on Lelouch's shoulder, not noticing him flinch. "What was it for, Lelouch?"

But Lelouch did not answer, his lips too thickly coated by his shame. The truth hung painfully in his throat. Moments passed before Suzaku had to break the silence again with, "Please. I deserve to know." His smile was weak, wavering at the edges. "Surely you owe it to your old friend?"

 _Old friend._ The same as what he had said before. Except now it felt wrong, almost a lie. Old friends don't leave you feeling weak. Make you want to do something crazy. Turn your words into water. But Suzaku was still his friend, and no good friend would hide a truth so rightfully deserved. 

_He'll hate you for this,_ he realized. It was a familiar thought for him. _Prepare for another goodbye._

"I was going to use it to convince you," Lelouch said. "To have you spend the day with me."

As expected, Suzaku drew back. "How? By threatening to shoot me?"

"No," Lelouch answered. Once again, he turned back to the window. Saw the moon peeking through the fortress of clouds. "By threatening you with what I had planned. I thought it would drive you somehow. To do as I asked."

A pause. Then: "But why?"

"I don't know," Lelouch answered honestly. "Your time is running out, and I wanted you to be happy. And if you didn't agree to my request, I needed a backup. _Something._ I couldn't just let you march into tomorrow. When everything ends." He was well aware that he was rambling, and not aware of how to stop it. "I wasn't actually going to do it. Not then, anyway. I didn't plan on it. I just needed something, anything, to make sure you would agree. You deserve happiness, Suzaku. I thought this would help with that. I'm sorry I ruined this night. Ruined everything. I had hoped—"

"Lelouch." Suzaku's voice cut him off. "You...are _so_ stupid."

Another joke. Or, at least, Lelouch hoped so. Either way, it caught him off guard. "What?"

He heard him snort lightly. "You thought that would incentivize me? Are you nuts?" Then, to his astonishment, felt sturdy arms surrounding him from behind. "You're usually good at coming up with strategies. What happened?"

 _You happened._ "I guess there's been a lot on my mind."

"Clearly." He expected Suzaku to pull away, to reprimand him. He didn't. "You're an idiot. A raging idiot. You didn't need a _gun_ for me to agree to this."

"I didn't," Lelouch reaffirmed, as if to convince himself. Finally, he eased into his body, his hands clutching at Suzaku's arms as if they were a lifeline. "You surprised me. I didn't think you'd want to go through with it."

"What?" That caused him to withdraw, his voice cracking. "Of course I would."

Lelouch spun around. "Really?"

"Yes," he answered. "Why wouldn't I want to spend time with you? On our last day?”

"You seemed so cold. So hesitant. I just thought…"

"Because I was worried about you," he said. "I thought you were doing it out of obligation. I didn't want to put you through that."

"Put me through _what?_ " Lelouch said. "It was my idea."

"Yes, but I figured it was because you felt guilty," he argued, shaking his head. "You hated me once."

"Once. A long time ago." Was this actually happening? He knew he was cursed, but not this ill-fated. "Not now. Not today. There's no one I wanted to spend time with more. It wasn't a burden, Suzaku. I _wanted_ to do this. I _want_ you to be happy."

"Wow." Suzaku looked down, searching the white of the bed sheets. “I guess we're both idiots."

"You didn't make things easier," Lelouch snapped. He sounded like a child, he knew, but he could not help himself. "Not smiling. Treating me like a stranger. How do you explain that?"

To his surprise, Suzaku did not make a retort. "Ah," he said. He gazed to the side, distracted by the copy of _War and Peace_ on his nightstand. "That...would be my fault."

"Oh?"

"For so long, I've been lost. I forgot how much I used to care. About you. About us."

It was like someone had sucked the air out of Lelouch's lungs. _Cared? About me?_

"I'm used to pushing people away. Pushing you away." His voice was hushed. "I'm not used to having friends again. Making jokes. Smelling flowers. It feels like—"

"A different person," Lelouch finished. "I know. We've gone through too much to be who we once were." He could see Suzaku's fingers shaking. "It was wrong of me to force that on you. I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize." The room was dark by now, but Suzaku's smile felt like a burst of light. "I had a great day. I had fun. I should be thanking you, Lelouch. For reminding me of who I used to be."

"That's all I wanted," Lelouch said gratefully, trying to ignore the words that wanted to slip off his tongue. _I missed you. I care about you. I love—_ "I'm glad."

Suddenly, he flinched. And felt his cheeks flush slightly, for Suzaku's fingers had found their way into his. He raised their hands up to his chest. And said, "Can I tell you something, Lelouch?"

The way Suzaku was looking at him. Driven. Nervous. _You don't need to be. I'm your friend._ "Tell me."

"After today, I...don't know how I feel."

"About?"

"About you. About us." He seemed to be thinking over every word. "I've felt strange for a long time. Hating you, yet caring about you. But I never thought it would be like this. I thought it would go away, but it hasn't."

"So what's changed?"

"I don't know. Today was a reminder. Of those feelings, I guess." There was an awkwardness to how he moved, like a defunct Knightmare Frame. How he spoke, like he was about to confess something— "Ah, damn it all. Lelouch. I think I'm in love with you."

 _Oh._ The world had come to a stop. Yet still he found his mouth moving. "Suzaku."

"For a while now," Suzaku continued on, as if Lelouch had not spoken. "I know we were once friends. But this feeling. It's not what friends should feel like. I think about you. A lot. At first I thought it was out of hatred. For Euphie, maybe. But it's more complicated than that. And I've tried hiding it. I thought it would go away. Sometimes I go back to what happened to convince myself I shouldn't, but that doesn't—"

" _Suzaku._ " They really _were_ the same person, down to the way they rambled. "It's okay."

The way Suzaku looked at him. _It is?_

"Yes," Lelouch said aloud, answering him. There was something in his chest. Swelling up, filling him with warmth, erasing all logic and thought. Erasing all else aside from the boy sitting before him. "You don't have to explain yourself. I understand."

"You—you do?"

"Yes," Lelouch repeated, gripping his fingers tighter. He cleared his throat. He looked down. Then back up. And saw Suzaku staring at him, eyes wide in the dark, a young boy desperately waiting for his friend to utter the words that left Lelouch's lips.

"I'm in love with you too."

The moon was shining down, and Lelouch could see Suzaku's face slowly breaking into awe under the light. "You're serious."

"I am." He thought he would be more anxious, now that it was out in the open. _Things never go according to plan._ "I love you. Madly, I might add."

"You're serious." Suzaku seemed to be beyond hearing. "My God. Am I dreaming?"

"I should hope not," Lelouch said. He gave him a weak smile. "Otherwise that means I screw up in dreams as badly as in real life."

The sound Suzaku made was indescribable. But it flew over Lelouch's head, for he was overwhelmed by Suzaku grabbing onto him again, choking the air out of his lungs. "Lelouch," he said, his words muffled by Lelouch's shoulder, "we are _so_ stupid."

"H-Huh?" Lelouch rasped out. This was not the sweeping romantic scenario he had imagined. "What did I do wrong this time?"

"Nothing. You did nothing wrong." Suzaku released him. "I just can't believe we didn't say anything sooner. The Requiem is tomorrow. This is the worst possible time, and—"

The message was the same. _I don't want to lose you._

As soon as he got enough air, Lelouch straightened up. Saw the fear, the anguish in his friend’s expression, stabbing through him worse than any sword. His best friend, his greatest sin. Still in suffering. If only there was a way to comfort him before tomorrow split them apart.

_You still can._

The thought came to him without warning. He gulped. And with the weight of every hope in his heart, said, "Then let us have tonight."

Suzaku froze. "Tonight?"

"You said it yourself, didn't you?" Lelouch said, searching Suzaku for any sign of discomfort, anything that indicated he did not want to pursue this further. He found nothing. "If these are our final hours together…"

"...'we should make it memorable somehow'," Suzaku finished. He laughed nervously. God, how _nice_ it was to hear him laugh. "I did say that."

"Indeed." Lelouch moved closer, the blankets scrunched between their legs. "So. Do I have to command you myself?"

"I guess that depends on what you want." His voice had become thick. There seemed to be something... _different_ about him now, and it stirred Lelouch from within, an awakening he had not expected. "Are you sure, Lelouch?"

He had no idea what he was getting into. And yet, there was no doubt in his mind when he said, "I'm sure."

Suzaku hesitated for a moment. Then nodded. The soft light shone off his jaw, his gaze solemn. Without saying a word, he firmly lifted Lelouch's chin with his fingers. And leaned forward.

There had been multiple times before when Lelouch had fantasized his first real kiss. Not with Suzaku, necessarily, but more of the feeling—gentle, inviting, something that resembled a mild ray of sunshine. Different from Kallen's, whose kiss had ached with the sorrow of goodbye. But Suzaku's lips were sharp, his kiss hungry, like a knife tearing into flesh. He clung weakly onto broad shoulders as Suzaku moved in, the yearning that bled off his lips almost painful, a flame that longed to be fueled.

 _I'm kissing him,_ Lelouch thought. _Kissing Suzaku._

He felt him relax, forcing himself to hold back. _I'm sorry. I love you._ His hands spoke the words as they pulled Lelouch closer, their hips touching. Gradually he could feel himself melting, giving in to Suzaku. The shape of his lips. The scent of machinery and earth. How his fingers ran through his hair, smoothing out the worries in his mind. His lungs begged for air, but it was of little importance; Suzaku was all the air he needed.

Or so he liked to believe. Eventually he had to pull back, gasping slightly, his face flushed. Suzaku, too, was breathing heavily, his eyes never leaving him. "Lelouch…"

"You're too far away." He did not mean for it to sound like a command. "Come closer."

This time, he could not deny how he enjoyed the title. "Yes, Your Majesty."

And they were kissing again. Every part of Suzaku felt intoxicating, inviting, his fingers moving Lelouch in ways that drove him mad. He groaned and pulled him tighter. His teeth grazed over his bottom lip, his hands traveling over the slickness of his suit. He willingly conceded to Suzaku's tongue as it slid over his, running over the desire he had been too afraid to speak aloud. _I don't want to lose you._

With great restraint, Suzaku broke the kiss. There was adoration in his eyes, and Lelouch could feel himself coming undone between his hands. "Suzaku—"

"Am I hurting you?"

"No." He moved closer, their noses brushing. "I do not break so easily."

Suzaku grinned. "No, you do not."

Suddenly he leaned down, his arms shifting under Lelouch's body. He could not hold back a noise of surprise as Suzaku rose to his feet, swinging him into his arms, spinning him in a circle, like some bride down the aisle. "Suzaku!" he cried. "What are—"

He was silenced by Suzaku's lips once more, kissing him feverishly. Exploring him, tasting him, making him weak with longing. The look on his face as he pulled back only made his blood pump faster. "Sorry. Was that too cheesy for you?"

"No." He slid his fingers up his neck, into his hair. "But you can do better."

"Hm." He gently settled Lelouch on the bed before climbing on top of him, still kissing him as he moved. With care, he began to slide his hands down Lelouch's chest. Searching for the buttons, eager to tear them off. And, to Lelouch's dismay, came to a stop before he even started.

"Lelouch," he said. "You're wearing your academy uniform?"

"Hm?" It was like being forced awake from his wildest dream. "What? What about it?"

"The uniform. I didn't notice you were wearing it." He traced a finger down Lelouch's stomach, his trail leaving its mark. "Why?"

So muddled were his thoughts that Lelouch could barely speak properly. "I—I wore it under my robes. I wanted to surprise you. Because it's a reminder. Of us. Of old times. I thought, if you saw it, it would remind you. Times that are happy, I mean. So you are happy."

The sound of his laughter made Lelouch fall in deeper. "Really, Lelouch?" he said. He reached out and found his hand, his fingers lacing through his. "I didn't even notice until now. When will you realize things don't have to be so complicated?"

"I was wrong," Lelouch admitted. He sat himself up, close enough for Suzaku's breath to mingle with his own. "You always find a way to prove me wrong."

"And now?"

"Now," he said, their lips almost touching again, "I want _you_ to remind _me_. Of why I love you."

In response, Suzaku brought up their hands. He planted a kiss over his knuckles, making Lelouch shiver. "As you command."

He gently pushed him back onto the covers. Lelouch barely had time to catch himself with his palms before Suzaku was bending over, kissing him tenderly this time as he— _finally—_ undid the buttons on his collar. The ones down his chest. Then further. The rest of his uniform. Leaving him shirtless as Suzaku tore it off.

"Lelouch." He spoke his name with wonder. "You…"

"Please stop staring." Lelouch shivered, suddenly self-conscious. "I feel awkward."

"But I think you look good."

"I don't."

"Then I guess I'll have to convince you."

His shivering did not last for long. Suzaku's hands were tight around his waist, holding him close. He arched up, expecting to feel his mouth on his—and instead felt soft lips brushing against his neck, sending electricity through his nerves. He arched his back as he groaned, digging into strands of brown hair as Suzaku moved down, trailing gentle kisses down his collarbone. His chest. His abdomen. Almost reaching—

"Wait," Lelouch said. "Suzaku. This isn't fair."

He felt him stop. "How?"

"I can't be the only one." He pulled up, tugging him by the roots of his hair. "You're not undressed."

Suzaku blinked. "And how is that my fault?"

"It's not," he said. "But I refuse to be the only one."

Suzaku grumbled something as he pushed himself back up. "Always a competition with you," he seemed to say under his breath.

"Correct," Lelouch answered. This time, it was he who seized Suzaku by the shoulders and shoved him back, relishing his gasp of surprise as he landed on the pillows. Before Suzaku could react, he had climbed over him and seized his hands, locking them above his head. He settled himself on top, his legs straddling Suzaku's hips. "And I always win."

Suzaku stared. The corner of his mouth lifted. "Tell that to all the times you had to run from me."

"Shut up." He roughly planted another kiss over Suzaku's mouth, his tongue dancing around his. Then released him as he moved back. "Clothes. Off. Now."

"Kind of hard with you sitting on me."

"Fine. I'll do it myself." He tried to ignore the widening smirk on Suzaku's face. The chuckle in his throat. How his hands were drifting up his back. _Suzaku. Suzaku. Suzaku._

He looked down, his fingers working to undo the clasps to his suit. He scowled. "How—" he said, "does this stupid thing come off?"

The chuckle became a bark of laughter. "What was that, Lelouch? Are you telling me you can't undo a simple pilot's suit?"

"Shut. Up." He fumbled for a few more seconds, then threw his hands up. "Impossible. It's impossible. Lloyd has _terrible_ taste in design."

Still giggling, Suzaku sat himself up. "Here," he said, reaching for Lelouch's hands. "I'll show you."

With care, he guided them over his body. The zipper to his shoulder pads. The seal over his chest. The buttons at his waist. He was watching Lelouch intently, feeling his fingers grow desperate as they continued to tear at him. At last, the top half of his suit fell away.

Lelouch held his breath. It wasn't his first time seeing Suzaku shirtless—and certainly not his first time gawking—but it was his first time being so up close. Suzaku, before him. _For_ him. Even after the weight loss there were still cords of tight muscle to his chest, his shoulders, his arms. A slight curve to his hips that made Lelouch dizzy. His skin was smooth, running warm over his abs.

He wanted every part of it to be his. "Suzaku—" he stammered.

"Stop," Suzaku mumbled, blushing. "You're embarrassing me."

"No. You're beautiful." It sounded elementary, but proper language was beyond him at this point. "I can't believe...this is…"

"Us?" He reached out, his arms sliding around Lelouch's waist. "Do you want to keep going?"

"Yes." He dug his fingers into his shoulders. "I do."

Suzaku turned up to kiss the base of his neck, making him cry out softly. "Okay," he whispered into his skin. "Let me know if that changes."

The next few minutes were a blur. Fingers dancing, clothes falling, skin brushing up against skin. Kisses, not just on his mouth, but in other places. Suzaku was all around him, turning his vision blurry, the pleasure overwhelming. He lost control of his body, allowing it to react naturally to Suzaku's movements as they made him warm in ways he had never thought possible.

Before long they were entirely undressed, the blankets on top of them. Suzaku was towering over him, his breathing shallow, his eyes tender. _And I thought I had lost him._

"Are you sure, Lelouch?" he asked for the second time that night. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

 _Want._ It sounded so simple hearing him say it. For so long, he had believed otherwise. What was it that Jeremiah had said? That love was complicated? And he had believed him, too. That love and want were strange, fickle twists of the human heart, both fleeting moments of weakness and unstoppable forces of nature, too volatile to be understood.

But that was the beauty about Suzaku. With him, it was easy. He loved him. He wanted him. There were no questions to be said.

_Suzaku Kururugi. My Suzaku._

Lelouch raised his hand. With the tips of his fingers, he grazed Suzaku's cheek. "For this," he whispered, lost in the familiar glimmer of his friend's eyes, "I would have lost everything."

No further words were said as Suzaku nodded, sealed Lelouch’s lips like an unspoken promise, and moved to cover his body.

* * *

"Hey, Lelouch?"

Lelouch blinked. It was later in the night, the clock soon to make its mark for tomorrow. They were wrapped around one another, the covers drawn over them, his arm across Suzaku's chest. With an effort, he blearily turned his head up. And saw Suzaku watching him, saying, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"We don't have to stay up all night, you know. I can tell you're exhausted."

Lelouch shook his head. "No, I want to. It's a new year. Our last day."

"You've said that twice already," Suzaku said, his fingers tenderly massaging the small of Lelouch's back. "You should sleep before tomorrow."

"But I don't want to." His voice sounded foreign to him, almost pleading. "I don't want this to end."

"I know," Suzaku murmured. "I don't either."

A comfortable silence fell as Lelouch lay against him. His skin felt warm, his heartbeat steady. He could see the stars, forcing the clouds to retreat. The last bit of false hope for him to indulge in before reality tore him away. "Hey, Suzaku," he mumbled, the hold of sleep growing stronger and stronger, "I have an idea."

"What's that?"

"You remember the gun, right?"

"It's hard to forget."

"What if I used it tomorrow?" he questioned. "Not how I planned, of course, but maybe during the execution."

He felt Suzaku tighten his hold. Could feel him watching him. Not wanting to let go. "How so?"

"Well, if Zero is to kill me, it has to seem convincing."

"Right."

"If you just murdered me, people would wonder why I didn't try to stop you."

"Uh-huh."

"So maybe I can pull it out. Or something. Pretend to shoot you. And you can knock it out of my hand, or stab me in the arm so I drop it, or...I don't know. I don't know if I'm making sense. But something like that."

From afar, he heard Suzaku chuckle. "So you turned it into a plan after all. Huh, Lelouch?"

"That's right." The words slipped out on their own. He could no longer see. "A plan. The Requiem. Because...I don't want...to lose you..."

His thoughts came to a stop as he sagged into Suzaku's arms, his breathing gentle, his hair splayed across the pillow. Unaware of how the two clock hands struck north, signaling the start of a new day, a new time. Only just awake enough to feel Suzaku run a hand through his hair, and plant a kiss on his forehead, as soft as the frail petals of a blue hydrangea.

"Happy New Year, Your Majesty."

**Author's Note:**

> I am endlessly intrigued by the relationship between Lelouch and Suzaku, and I wish their natural interactions were explored more in-depth within the canon anime universe outside of the usual Suzaku vs. Zero. Their similarity at their cores (but contrasts for literally everything else) provide an endless amount of material to be explored. Also, they’re just really fun to write about (・ω・)
> 
> Hope you all had a happy New Year! Kudos and comments are always appreciated. And feel free to check out my other Code Geass work, "The Requiem of C", if interested :')


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